I Just Wanna Love Him…

This morning, I was praying to God about the many points of weakness I find in myself as I go about my day. Not simply weakness in temptation, but weakness in going all out for Him.

I want to do his perfect will and reach the world with the message of Christ, but the truth is, I AM often ashamed of the Gospel that I preach. If I weren’t, I wouldn’t question God when I am told to preach it. I wouldn’t let divine moments pass me by daily when souls are in the balance.

I want to live my life before Him, and Him alone, but the truth is, I DO look over my shoulder to see who is watching me. I think too often about and place too high of a premium on the opinions of those who may find me strange AND those who would praise me for my devotion. Sometimes, I even wonder WHY I don’t get that human praise that I think I deserve.

I want to make the most of ALL that He has given me, but the truth is, I am wasteful. I have HOURS of idle time EVERY DAY. I spend hours doing things that I know I shouldn’t do to avoid the things that I should. Not simply academic procrastination, but a semi-subconscious measure I take while questioning what I should be spending my life on at the moment.

I want to make progress, but the truth is, I DON’T do the things that I KNOW will take me to the next level. I don’t do the things that are PROVEN to take me deeper in God. These things that worked before and have worked for all time have not changed, but I’m lazy. I want God to take me there, but I am not always wanting to pay the price.

There is much more, but what I realize is that it all comes down to this: I want to lay down my life for him… but the truth is, I don’t love him enough. “Greater love has no man than this…” I don’t have that kind of love for him. “He who has been forgiven much, loves much.” If you only knew what Christ had brought me from… I’ve been forgiven of more than enough to have enough love to lay my life down for Jesus, my best friend. I was headed toward death and He took it for me and GAVE me life instead. FOR FREE! But the full reality of what God has brought me out of and brought me into has not fully hit my heart. If I just loved Him more, I’d be able to stand stronger for Him.

I just want to love Him more. I know in my heart that everything that I desire in my relationship with Him boils down to this one thing: how will I respond to HIS love for me? I also realize that I cannot simply “manufacture” this love toward Him. It can’t even be “imparted” through prayer. It takes revelation of the love of God in order to love God. That’s what I need. There is nothing in this world that I desire more, because I know that it’s the only thing that can transform my life. I just want to love him more. He’s truly all I have and all I want to have. I want to appreciate Him.

Dance Partners for Life

Living the Christian life is like dancing to a rhythm that it seems that only you can hear. Everyone else seems to be dancing to another song. The song seems vaguely familiar because it used to be your jam… you even know the dance… but the song that you’ve found is so much better. Still, you feel like the odd man out and you sometimes get self-concious of your dance. Realizing that everyone is looking at you strange, your movement starts to slow down and fizzle out. Then…. you see someone else in the distance… dancing to a rhythm in step with yours. Your excitement intensifies and both of you dance more intensely as you come closer together. The music gets louder in your heads and you are instant dance partners, made to dance together. The crowd fades away for just a moment. You slowly part but your intensity is sustained as you realize there are many more of you scattered around the crowd. Individually you all look insane. But if we could see it from the view of heaven, we would see everyone of you in a well-choreographed dance of lovesick worshipers of God. We are all strategically placed across the land so that everywhere the Lord looks in the midst of this chaotic dance party, He can see and be reminded of His beloved. Dancing in step, in unison, and in Love. Brothers and Sisters in Christ… I’m glad that you are my dance partners for life.

Junior Bataille
Inspired @ ZHOP @ 3am, March 18, 2007, while Emily Parton sang “Dancing to the sound of a different beat…”