If Only I Had the Time…

Last night, Joycelyne was sharing with me some of the details of a recent girl’s night out.   They went to a jazz/poetry club.  She had a lot of fun, and I got to hear every juicy detail (a very interesting night, haha).  It was so great to hear how her heart leaped, particularly, at some of these artists’ portrayal of love.  At every word she was responding, “that’s so true!”  I had many thoughts as she recounted to me some of the poetry that she heard, and how she felt like she could relate, but in the end one of my most prevailing thoughts was “Hey, I remember thinking/feeling the same thing!  I could have written something like that… If only I had more time to capture the many inspiring moments that pass every day through creative writing…”  I still write some poetry and music here and there, but I feel like I miss some of the most inspiring moments.  Part of me wishes that I could just be a professional artist… if I could make a living through creative writing, I would be thoroughly happy doing so.  But then again, I am also very happy with what I am doing and the path that I am on, so…

Today, a friend of mine invited me to see a concert where he was playing keyboard.  I stopped through in time to see one and a half of the opening groups.  They were okay, but the final (“star”) choir was very, very good.  Very good.  But I didn’t pay much attention to the choir though… I was watching the musicians, intrigued at the creative and intricate arrangements of keys, guitars, drums, congas, and a saxophone.  Every musician was so good at what they did, and most of them were around my age or younger.  As I watched them, I thought “I don’t play enough music… if only I had more time…”  If you know me, you know that when I see an instrument, and I want to play it.  I only officially play the guitar… but if I had the time, I would learn the keyboard, drums, bass, violin, bagpipe…. (yes, I said bagpipe… I came very close junior year).  As with writing, if I were able to play music 24/7, I would be thoroughly satisfied.

I find myself saying this for many more things…  For example, I downloaded a CAD program last year and started building house plans for fun….  I love it!  When I’m doing it, I could easily see myself doing architecture, as a hobby or even for a living.  I designed my friend’s house, which he is now building, and a friend of his bought a modified version of his plan.  I don’t really have time to do  plans right now, so now it sometimes serves as a procrastination tool.

I also think of this blog.  I was telling Joyce that I really think that I have one of the most interesting lives of many people that I know.  That’s not a proud or an arrogant statement, because I usually feel like I have so little to do with it.  I’ve simply been going along on a very exciting ride.  If I had more time, I’d write more about my interesting life… but maybe if I had more time, my life wouldn’t be as interesting.

I’m not sure what I am getting at here… I guess that one thing I’m kinda saying is that life must be more than simply finding something that you like or something that you are good at and doing it well.  I simply enjoy every bit of life itself and would have a hard time finding that ONE thing.  Another thing is that I hope that I will have several lifetimes worth of time in Heaven to do all of these things that I can’t do now.  And third, have you ever wondered if you actually have some of your priorities crooked and some of things that you want to be doing are what you should be doing all along?  I get that sneaking suspicion all the time.  I feel like my life is a balance that has seventeen arms… each chock full of opportunities, options, hobbies, and worthwhile endeavors.  I’m telling you, it’s not easy to keep that thing steady, but it is exciting.

I Only Have One

I Only Have One

Last night I dreamed that,
I held my life in the palm of my hand,
Fragile like a snowglobe.

From inside, I look out and see,
The look on my own face.
I must be out of place,
Seems I don’t know what to do with me.

The sun shines through like crystal,
As I lift it to its proper place.
Something this beautiful must be,
Meant to be given away.

But I only have one.
Will you be the one?

I painted a picture.
I to cover up my dying heart,
Colored in crimson.

I’ve done all I can and,
I can’t seem to bring it to life.
It’s just oil on canvas.
Nothing like the original showpiece.

But even crimson gains color,
When placed in the proper light.
Something this beautiful must be,
Meant to be given away.

But only have one.
Will you be the one?

Well, take it from me.

Oct. 22, 2007